Last letter

Alex-

I love you.

I loved your laugh.  Everything about it was infectious.  I don’t think there was a time in your life when you laughed alone.  You got invited to any and every party because the party always arrived with you.  I loved your sense of humor.  You were hilarious.  You were bluntly honest at times, and I can remember several occasions when I found that my jaw was still open after hearing some of that honesty.  I loved that a day with you was never dull.  I loved the understanding that I felt when I was with you.  We were inseparable as children, so you knew my past better than anyone because you were there.  That created a lifelong bond that I will greatly miss.   

I’m so sad that your life was over at 29.  I’m so sad that you died so young.  I’m heartbroken to think that your son will not know you personally.  It literally brings me pain to think of your son’s future without you.  Throughout his life you will be missed Alex.  When your son needs manly advise, when he graduates high school, when he leaves his Mom and goes to college he will be wishing you were there, and so will I. 

 I’m heartbroken to think that we won’t laugh together anymore.  We used to get together, share memories and laugh until we fell over.   I’m just so sad that those memories are all that’s left now, and to be honest I am having a hard time wrapping my head around that.  I hate that I need to accept the fact that you are no longer with us, and I hope I will see you again when my times comes.

I hope you are in a better place, and that you have found the peace you couldn’t find in this life.  I will never stop missing you.  I will never stop loving you. 

Casey

P.S.  In my mind - this is your song. 

Alex

Alex Edwin Lee Nutter June 3rd 1982 - January 19th 2012

Alex

Music it seems has lost its tune

The skies fail to be a beautiful blue

I no longer hear the birds sing a sweet song

The luster of this world appears to be gone.

The song in my heart is faded and dreary

I often find myself breathless and weary.

All the earth’s flowers have lost their hue

The world, like me, is mournful without you.

The clouds have hidden the suns warm rays

Leaving a bitter cold that encircles me in a haze.

There is a smoldering pain that will not cease

But I have comfort in knowing you are at peace.

-Written for my Brother on 1/21/2012 -Casey Dickson

Alex with his wife Angelica and their son David, October 2011

Please consider helping my Brothers Wife and Son in this very difficult time. In lieu of flowers you can make a donation that will directly go to Angelica and David. Click the 'donate now' button at the top right hand corner of this blog, or go to www.paypal.com and send any amount to babydavidnutter@gmail.com

Kayla's new look

I have always waited to pierce my daughters ears because I wanted them to want to get it done.  I wanted it to be something they choose to do. 

Kayla decided it was time she got some earrings. 

Even though she was nervous - she decided it was worth it. 

My baby girl has pierced ears!

Taylor Swift

                 Taylor Swift stopped in Charlotte, NC on her Speak Now world tour, and my Mom and I took my girls to see her.  Taylor Swift is a daily voice in our home, so to see her perform live seemed only right.  It was the first concert for my girls... and me!

My girls walking in Charlotte to the arena.  Isn't it so cute downtown?

My Mom all dressed up and ready for a night on the town

                                             We were 3 generations of Taylor Swift fans :)

                                                 
                                                   Waiting for Taylor to take the stage...

                                                               
                                                                    Here she comes...

                                               The look on their faces.... Priceless!

                                                        I love hanging out with my girls

                                                       Singing their hearts out to 'Mine'

                                                               Our view of 'Last Kiss'

It was a magical night :)

Turning 10

My girl is turning 10 years old in a few days, and I can't seem to wrap my head around that at all.  When people say that kids grow up too fast, I immediately understand what they are saying.  I feel like I am still hoping she will stop growing up and wait a while so I can figure this parenting thing out.  Didn't everyone else get instructions? 

At 6 months - our tub had broken

I also feel like the world is missing out, because no one knows her the way I do.  No one knows how involved she is with her brother and sister.  Did you know that every Saturday and Sunday morning she gets up with her little brother?  She prefers it.  She takes him downstairs gets him a drink and makes him breakfast.  Mackenzie also helps her younger Sister with her homework every day, even if Kayla doesn't want her too.  :)

Mackenzie at 3

Here are some other things you may not have know about my exceptional little girl:

Mackenzie loves music.  She teaches herself songs on the piano all the time.  That piano is her safe place.  If JR and I are ever in an argument you can bet that the piano will suddenly start to play music. 

She has no idea how beautiful she is.

At her 7th birthday party

Mackenzie is extremely thoughtful.  She is always doing something special for a member in our family.  Just today she found a bag of skittles in her Halloween candy that said it had crazy colors so she saved it for her Dad.  She then made a card telling him that the bag of crazy colors reminded her of him, and his craziness.  She hung it on his closet door for him to find.  I don't think we can go a week without her coloring, making, or showing her love for someone in our family. 

She has the biggest feet of any other kid her age.  

She is painfully shy.  In fact I have a hard time finding pictures of her alone because she usually runs from the camera, even if it's just her and I in the room.

She is very smart and extremely observant.  It's hard to keep things from her at home because even though she may not look like she is paying attention, she is, and she can usually figure out what is going on. 

She is my right hand.  She is my main helper in the kitchen, and she is usually willing to help pick up the house.

She loves to have fun.  She often wrestles with her Dad, and is always sad when it ends. 

Mackenzie - summer 2011

Mackenzie loves family night.  She will feel cheated if family night doesn't happen, and she will give up playing with friends and any TV show to do family snuggles. 

She is loyal to a fault. 

She is hilarious.  She teases me with the best of them.  She has a great wit about her, and her little side jokes or funny comments often send me rolling. 

Mackenzie is a Daddies girl. 

Part of me is sad that she is turning 10, that means she is more than half way grown.  The other part of me loves to watch her grow because I am excited to see who she will be. 

Happy birthday Mackenzie - you are so loved.

Why I have a bucket list

Most people that have read my bucket list have called me cheesy.  (My bucket list) Who has a bucket list in their 30's right? Well... I do. When my Dad passed away suddenly it gave me the biggest ah-ha moment of my life.

Life is too short, and nothing is guaranteed.

It's been two years since I have originally made my bucket list, and I have been able to cross off 2 things already, and I have another 2 in the works. Unlike the movie with Morgan Freeman, I don't have millions to be able to cross these things off within a year, nor do I have a rich friend willing to pay for my travel, so I have a bucket list at 30 years old and God willing, I plan on crossing off each item one at a time with the people I love most.


 

You never know what tomorrow brings, so I don't plan on waiting until tomorrow.

What is on your bucket list?

Fort D

I don't think there is a person alive who didn't make some kind of fort when they were a kid.  It could have been built out of boxes, couch cushions, or wood, but we have all made one.

As you saw in a previous post, (see it here) there is a ton of free wood to be had in my neighborhood.  All we need to do is go and collect it.  Over the past few weeks we have collected enough wood to build a fort right from our children's imaginations. 

We found the perfect spot behind our house.  It's far enough away to feel like it's isolated, but close enough for me to keep an eye out. 

Since this fort is for our Lil's, they help with it. They helped to clear the area in the woods where the fort was going to be built, they helped to gather all the wood, and they are there every time we build on it. 

My husband being the over achiever that he is couldn't build a fort that was under par.  He went and built four walls as if he was framing a small house.  When it's finished it will stand 7 feet tall, 5 feet wide, and 8 feet long.

Even Lil'man got in on the action.  He couldn't help himself - there were tools involved. 

The fort has been appropriately named Fort D.  :)

It's still under construction...  more to come.